Dear Breakfast Show, Grease More Heathers
by windowpain64
Summary: Dear Evan Hanson x Breakfast Club x That 70's Show x Grease x Be More Chill x Heathers MASSIVE AU Just a huge, awesome, emotional fic! This is my pride and joy.
1. Prologue

**"Yes, unless I find you to be a harm to yourself or others"**

 **"Do you?"** Connor pondered, biting the polish off his nails.

 **"Find you dangerous? No. We've just met. It would be unprofessional to draw conclusions so fast"**

 **"Oh."** Connor looked to the corner of the room into the rocks of the fish tank. **"What if** _ **I**_ **think I'm...** _ **dangerous**_ **"** He had special difficulty getting the last word out.

 **"Do you?"**

 _"Sometimes I feel so happy_

 _Sometimes I feel so sad_

 _Sometimes I feel so happy_

 _But mostly you just make me mad_

 _Baby, you just make me mad"_

 **"I don't want to hurt anybody"**

 **"Who do you think about hurting?"**

Connor almost shrugged. **"This one kid that's in my algebra class"**

 **"Why do you think about hurting this classmate?"**

 **"...Jus' don't like him"** Nearly half the polish on his nail was chipped away by now.

 **"There was hesitation there. Has he done anything to you?"**

 **"I didn't hesitate..."** The room was silent in anticipation. **"He smiles at me sometimes, in the hall"**

 **"And this upsets you?"**

 **"Yeah"**

 **"Care to explain why?"**

" _Linger on your pale blue eyes_

 _Linger on your pale blue eyes"_

 **"He wears makeup and bracelets and shit."** His face flushed.

 **"Is that something that regularly bothers you?"**

 **"No"**

 **"Why do you think it bothers you with him?"**

There was a long pause.

 **"Cause' he looks good in it."**


	2. Christine

"How typical of you!"

"What's THAT supposed to mean?!" Christine let her eyes go wide.

"Every time we do this you have to leave right after. Can't you just hang out with me a little longer?" Sandy pleaded.

"You know it's not personal, I just... have a curfew. We can always hang out on Sunday"

"I have church. You know that! Can't You just sneak out in an act of rebellion and love?" Sandy pouted.

Christine smiled. "how can I say no to that face?"

Sandy leaned in and kissed Christine on the cheek.

"Hey?" She said.

"hi?" Sandra replied.

"How long do we have to keep this secret?" She squeezed Sandy's hand.

There was a pause. Then ringing. Saved by the bell, again.

"I have to get to class" The blonde said, running off to meet with Riz and Frenchy.

Christine sighed.

"Chris? What are you doing behind the school?" A familiar voice rang in her ears.

"Jeremy! Oh- I just, saw a pencil over her and ran to pick it up. "

This certainly wasn't a far-fetched excuse for Christine, though still not totally convincing. She hadn't been used to lying, as she'd had no reason to before. She thought of it like acting. Just pretending. _To be straight._ Nothing wrong with that.

"Ohhhkayyyyy... Well me and Michael are gonna go to 7/11, you can come with if you want" Jeremy, even with one of his best friends, seemed like a ball of static electricity. He clutched onto his textbooks.

"That's okay, I have to help Mr. Reyes restock the freezer in the break room"

Jeremy just smiled. "okay, well we'll be there if you need us"

"Okie Dokey! Bye Jeremy!" Christine smiled and skipped off to the staff room.

The room was clean and bright, buzzing lights trapped in the ceiling. A sink, a coffee maker, a table, and a refrigerator were basically the only inhabitants other than Mr. Reyes, the Drama teacher, and Principal Skinner. They sat across from each other, babbling on about some cable TV show Christine had never heard of before.

"No, you idiot! John didn't die, he- Oh hello Ms. Caligula! Are you here to help organize the freezer?" Reyes smiled and half-turned around in his chair, Hotpocket in hand.

"Yep! But I have to be home in an hour so I can't stay for too long. " Christine smiled and waved at the principal.

The principal considered the oddity of a student helping her teacher organize the staff freezer, but went back to eating his turkey and mayonnaise sandwich.

Christine got to work, throwing out old hotpocket boxes and rotten chicken pot pie microwavables for little over 30 minutes.

"Oh my gosh! I have to go, sorry Mr. Reyes, I'll help you another time!"

Before Reyes could answer, she was long gone. She used her tiny little legs to run as fast as possible down the hall, back pack on her shoulder.

She hung a left without slowing down and ran full-force into something. No, some _one_.

There he stood, Michael Kelso in the flesh. Well, rather than stood, he now sat on the floor, Christine in the same situation not far from him.

"Oh gosh, I'm sorry! I should have been watching where I was going! Are you okay?" She cried, standing back up.

"Did I just fall or did you just fall for _m_ e?" He flirted, wiggling his eyebrows.

Christine went blank.

"I'm lesmians"

"uh-what?"

"I'm lembis"

"I'm confused"

"I like girls"

"Oh? Sorry, usually people change when they see my incredible looks"

Christine looked him up and down. "...Yeeeah well I have to go I'm already gonna miss my curfew as it is and-"

"oh- hey I can drive you home! I just got shag carpet in my van and it finally stopped smelling like fish!"

She didn't even know him, and he looked creepy, but she'd rather be kidnapped than be late home because she couldn't run fast enough.

"...ok" She hesitated, helping him up. He shook her hand.

"I'm Kelso but you can call me Kelso"

She smiled. "I'm Christine but my friends call me Chris"

"Nice to meet you! Now let's get in my van!"

They walked down the hall beside each other.

"that sounded creepy"

"it did?"

"yeah" she giggled.

 **(a/n... Sorry for short chapter!)**


	3. Jeremy

The slow ring of the slushy machine filled Jeremy's senses, a familiar state of mind for him. His chest felt light, and he focused on nothing but the boy beside him.

"Hey dipshit, your cup's overfilled."

Jeremy snapped out of it. And his chest was heavy again.

"Fuck!" Jere squeaked, throwing his hand off the lever and struggling to grab the cup and not spill bright blue sticky shit all over the place.

"Dude, you okay? You've been super distant lately. That's like the fifth time today you've spaced out." Michael took a sip of his own slushy, raising an eyebrow.

"No- yeah- I-I'm fine I just... Have a lot on my mind, is all."

"Like?" Michael inquired as they payed and left, going to a familiar spot behind the building.

"I don't know, just life and dating and stuff"

Michael dramatised a gasp, making a cute smirk. "Dating?~ You got the hots for another chick like Chris?"

"What? No! I have no crushes! I never said that! Shut up!" He was visibly flustered, hoping the slushy he was sipping would stop the redness in his cheeks.

"Awwwwwwww, Jewe-Beaw's got a cwush~~~" Michael teased, stepping closer to Jeremy.

Jeremy backed up as Michael cornered him, eventually hitting the wall and giving up entirely, leaning against it and staring at Michael out of frustration and embarrassment.

Michael inched closer to him, his childish smirk fading into a soft smile. His eyes shifted a bit.

"Are you guys gonna kiss orrr...?" Interrogated a tall man by the dumpster.

Michael and Jeremy both jumped, Michael pulling himself a few feet away.

"Who the fuck are you?" Michael screeched.

"That depends, who's asking?"

"I'm Jeremy" Jeremy said, nervous.

Michael put a palm to his face. "I'm Michael"

"In that case, I'm JD." He stuck out a hand toward them in invitation.

Michael hesitantly shook his hand. "Are you, like, homeless or something?"

"Might as well be. I moved here a few days ago and I'll be out again soon enough. "

Jeremy nodded. "You moved... To you back alley behind the Gas Station?"

"No, Dear, I moved into a shitty apartment with my dad and his duffle bag full of VHS porno tapes from the 80's. I just choose to spend my days here rather than actually attending the shithole schools this town has to offer."

"Edgy. So you go to Westerburough, then?" Michael sipped his drink.

"Maybe so. Hopefully not for long."

"So are you like, a stoner, or just crazy?" Jeremy pondered, sipping his own drink.

"That's not funny. I'm traumatized, fuckwad" He leaned against the wall, slushy in hand.

"Oh shit, wanna talk about it?" Jeremy winced.

Michael blinked. "While I'd love to stay to find out the answer I'm high off my ASS right now and I need to refill my slushy. Don't go anywhere" Michael hovered off to the front of the building.

"Sorry for ending your heated back alley make-out session" JD sat on top of the dumpster a few feet from Jeremy.

"M-Make out session?! No, w-we-re just friends!" Jeremy's face flushed.

JD smiled. He patted the metal dumpster lid beside him.

Jeremy hesitantly sat beside JD.

"So h-how are you?" Jeremy glanced over at him, hoping he wouldn't notice how nervous he was.

"I could be better. Like I said, traumatized. I like it here. "

"Why are you traumatized? " Jeremy asked without hesitation this time.

"My mom is dead and my dad and I move every 2 months." JD smiled a bit as if to stop himself from getting into it.

"Dude, that's harsh. But I can relate. My mom isn't dead but she left when I was, like, 10 or something. My dad just kinda sits around the house in his underwear."

JD smiled and chuckled a bit. "Huh, no mom club."

"How did yours go? I-If you don't mind my asking" Jeremy stuttered, subconsciously shifting more towards JD.

"My is in demolition. He had to blow up this old, brick building. I was 6 or 7. I remember the last time I saw her, she was waving at me from the top floor of that old brick building, about 3 seconds before being turned into bacon bits. " Jeremy winced, JD barely reacted. "Enough about me. So are you just anxious 24/7 or are you gay?"

Jeremy winced more. "I-I mean I'm anxious like all the time but I'm also Bi so... "

"Ah, I get it. Well you need to get laid before you physically explode" JD gave Jeremy a weird look.

"It's not like I haven't been trying to" Jeremy defended.

JD sighed and looked at Jeremy again in the same weird way.

"Take a hint twink" JD smirked.

It clicked. "Oh... OH! OH GoSh I'm sorry I'm stupid, fuck, I-I mean I-I-"

"Listen, here's my number. I don't go anywhere ever so, you know. Ring me. " JD pulled up Jeremy's sleeve and scrawled out a number with a sharpie.

Before Jeremy could protest, JD had disappeared and been replaced by a now arriving Michael.

"Woah where's Darth Vader?" He joked, sliding next to Jeremy.

"I think I just got asked out" he murmured anxiously.

Michael glanced at Jeremy's inked arm.

"Oh, that's awesome! I mean a dumpster shadow guy isn't exactly ideal but-"

"What if it's a prank or something?" he stressed.

"wuh-what? Jere if it was a prank then I really don't think he'd look so... Homeless.. " Michael made boi hands.

"...You're probably right..."

"I know"

"Whatever, can we like, go? My ass is gonna smell like raccoon all day now"

"Let's go loverboy" Michael teased, stepping a few feet away towards the street.

Jeremy followed suit, rolling his sleeve back down and glancing back at the alley before turning the corner.

 **(a/n let me know in the comments what you think should happen next!)**


	4. JD

**(this chapter contains graphic depictions of abuse and mentions of sexual themes)**

JD ran up the fire escape of the beige apartment building he now occupied. He landed with a hard thump in what was hopefully the window to his room, managing to nearly roll his ankle in the process. You'd think with all the windows he's climbed through, he would be able to effortlessly glide into any wood-framed gap like Batman with an extra dose of majesty. But, no. He had yet to conquer the conflict of his awkward lankieness accompanied by an even more awkward amount of weight in form of muscle, not to mention the thick death trap of a coat he used to hide everything.

Nevertheless, he was right about which window to take. He wasn't always that lucky, though.

He did manage to trip over a suitcase in the hall on the way to the kitchen, falling on his face and lifting up into push up position to be greeted by the toes of his father's dark brown boots, right in his face. He weakly got up onto his feet again, blood trickling down from his nose. He didn't bother to wipe it away.

His father stood stone cold like a rough estimation of what a human should be, as sculpted by a giant jellyfish.

A menacing - but more so down right disturbing - grin was pasted right onto his face, underneath a sagging image of what used to be two, perfect eyes with 20/20 vision, but now drawn over with years of grime and wear.

JD mockingly flashed his teeth in response, attempting to step out around his dad. This was stopped by an open palm being slammed into the wall in front of him, almost clotheslining him. He was used to noises like and similar to an angry palm on a wall, and one thing he knew by now, was that they didn't sound intimidating. Sure, with all senses activated they can endure a bit of shock, even after all that time, but the sound subtracted from the spookiness. The closest comparison would be the sound of a puny stack of papers being weakly slammed on a table.

He was metaphorically (but in some sense also literally) trapped. He could turn around, awkwardly limbo under the appendage, or face him "like a man".

While the first two sounded more appetizing, a severe lack of self control lead straight to option three.

"Move."

"I don't think so. I need to have a word with you. " a stone cold voice to match the stone cold face like a two-piece Gucci bathing suit.

"I don't want to talk to you." JD weakly murmured back.

"That's not an option young ma-"

"I'm almost 18, I'm not a young man anymore." JD stepped backward to reluctantly stand his ground, making eye contact.

"Excuse me? You don't have a choice. You live under MY roof, you live by MY rules, and I own you until I kick your ass to the curb. Got it?" He shook with anger.

"I'm not afraid of you. " He mumbled.

" _what_?"

"I said I'm not afraid of you!" He shouted now.

And with a wordless response, JD was struck with a closed fist, quickly cracking his bottom lip open like a snake bite piercing.

He fell with the hit, dropping to the floor like a bowling ball. He quickly stood back up and ran past his father, down the hall and out the front door, only stopping once he'd made it down the sidewalk and took three turns into a cemetery.

He calmed down and leaned up against the tombstone of some lucky bitch, sliding to sit down.

Suddenly, Deepthroat by Cupcakke was playing. JD's phone vibrated in his pocket. He retrieved it and answered before looking, as he already knew who it was.

"Well hello there" He said in a disturbingly calm voice.

On the other side was not as calm.

"O-Oh heeey... It's Jeremy from uh-um 7/11, earlier today? I-I don't know if you remember me or anything but I-"

"Yes, Jeremy. I remember you. Is this a scheduling call?" JD finally decided to cut off Jeremy's stammering and rescue him from the embarrassment. He smiled.

"Schedule? Ehewhuu... I wanted to hang out, if you're up to it, I mean?" Any fool could tell Jeremy was nervous.

"I'm at the cemetery on" He paused and looked around, "Pines. Come join me if you're brave enough. " You could hear the smile of both encouragement and reassurance as Jeremy scrambled to accept the offer. The phone clicked goodbye and JD threw his head back against the tombstone.

A deep sigh escaped his bloodied lips, leaving a temporary smoke trail in the cold air.

The moon reflected off the shiny tip of his black combat boots, giving little light in the otherwise pitch black lot. He waited patiently for his new fling, hoping the bleeding would stop soon. It had stopped by the time Jeremy arrived, now scabbed over.

Jeremy stepped out of his dads car and entered the cemetery. It was peaceful, which scared him more than the fact there were hundreds of bodies below his feet.

"Hi" Jeremy said with a synthetic sweetness.

"Greetings and salutations. Sit sit. " JD patted the ground beside him as Jeremy owed and sat beside him, only a half a foot apart.

"What happened to your mouth?" Jeremy had moved a bit to face JD.

"My dad. I'm fine" He lied.

"Shit, dude, are you okay? That's fucked up!" Jeremy leaned in a bit.

"Seriously, it's fine. I don't care anymore. "

"Anymore!?" Jeremy shrieked. "How long has he been hitting you?"

"It's not like I didn't deserve it-"

"are you kidding? Doesn't it hurt?"

"Of course it hurts, but it's not like I have people to kiss."

Jeremy became flustered.

"That's beside the point!"

"Jeremy calm down its fine, I just-"

"No! It's not fine! That's seriously fucked up! If he really hits you that just makes him weak and pathetic. For whatever reason he's doing it, it's not good enough. He obviously just hates himself and takes it out on you! Why haven't you called CPS or something-"

That made his heart stop. He wanted Jeremy to stop talking, so in the moment of desperation, he risked the pain and kissed him lazily. Once he pulled away, Jeremy was even more flustered, and strangely comfortable.

Jeremy hesitantly kissed him back, softly as to not hurt his already bruised lip.

JD was into the kiss but he didn't know why. But what do you do when you taste something delicious? You keep tasting it until you can't anymore. He moved in and put a hand on the side of Jeremy's face, kissing him slowly. After a few seconds, JD pulled away and moved to kiss Jeremy's neck, earning a soft noise from him.

"Th-that tickles" he whispered, but didn't stop him.

JD moved quicker, sucking a light mark into Jeremy's neck.

This earned a much greater response, as Jeremy hummed out a whiny moan.

JD smiled rather innocently, running his hand up Jeremy's thigh. Jeremy caught his breath.

"I-Ive never really done this"

"What is it you think we're doing?"

"Um... It"

"Would you like that?" JD teased, going back to sucking light marks on Jeremy's neck.

"I'm not really sure" Jeremy whispered.

JD paused, pulling away to look at Jeremy. "We don't have to do anything, you know" he reassured.

Jeremy nodded, a small smile. "I haven't even really kissed a guy before, until now... I kinda would want my literal first time to be with somebody... Special. I know that sounds cheesy, but-"

"No, I get it. You don't have to give me a reason. " JD smiled.

"Well... C-could we still kiss, maybe..? " Jeremy was still flustered, but more comfortable knowing he didn't have to do anything too much.

JD responded with another kiss, sweet and slow. It was actually peaceful. JD wasn't used to just taking things slow and steady. He only had about 6 weeks in each town, so he was used to a quick fuck and leaving without a goodbye. He may not have been head over heels, but it felt good to be able to kiss somebody in the middle of the night at a cemetery.

Jeremy usually cared about romance, at least to an extent, but he felt comfortable even making out 6 feet above a corpse. JD was charming, and obviously bent, and for some reason Jeremy felt really cool around him. He didn't feel special or different, but he felt like he might just be cool enough to smoked a blunt with Michael later and not instantly choke and die.

Then, like a bean from the heavens, but actually just a (light) beam from a flashlight slightly above them. They both jumped and scooted away to be greeted by a cackling nerd.

Standing there was none other than Jared Kleinman, laughing his ass off.

"Who are you?!" JD interrogated.

Jeremy pinched the bridge of his nose. "My friend Jared"

Jared wheezed. "YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN YOUR FACES! PRICELESS, MAN!"

"ITS NOT FUNNY, YOU SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF US!" JD retorted.

"How did you know we were here?" Jeremy pondered.

"I live like a block down. I saw you drive by and thought I'd humor myself. I've been standing here for like 5 minutes" Jared punctuated with another laugh.

"That's creepy Jared. Like, even for _you._ " Jeremy sighed

The comment bothered Jared, but he hid it with his shit eating grin.

"So when did you start dating this Goth twink?" Jared attempted a better insult but failed.

"We're not dating" Jeremy was quick to respond. A bit too quick.

Jared fake gasped. "Is Jere-Bear sleeping around?"

Jeremy grimaced. "Shut up Jared. And don't call me that"

"Whatever. Michael probably won't be happy to hear the news."

Before Jeremy could defend himself, Jared was walking off. He sighed and apologized to JD.

"He's an asshole and not in the good way" JD's face felt flat.

"I don't know why he's being such a dick, he's usually only tastefully douchey."

JD decided to let it roll off his back. "It's fine."

"Are you sure?"

"yeah" JD smiled sincerely at Jeremy.

There was a silence.

JD wanted to ask about Michael but knew that it would just make things tense again.

"Hey, wanna see something cool?" JD stood up and held out a hand for Jeremy.

"Oh, sure" Jeremy took JD's hand and stood up, but JD didn't let go of his hand. Jeremy didn't let go either. Cool.

JD led them both to an old, gross cube building with a ladder on the side. JD thew his arm put towards the ladder. "M'lady"

Jeremy laughed. He took the invitation, climbing up. JD followed, enjoying the view.

Once they both got the the mossy roof, JD plopped down on his back and looked at the sky. Jeremy questioned the cleanliness of this, but laid down anyways.

JD pointed up towards the sky. "See that cluster of stars right there?"

"yeah"

"What does it look like to you?"

"Um... A pair of scissors?" He guessed. "What is it supposed to be?"

"I have no fuckin clue" JD laughed and Jeremy facepalmed.

Jeremy scooted a bit closer to JD. Their hands brushed together and JD moved his hand onto his chest. Jeremy boldly grabbed his hand and set it between them without a word. JD smiled.


End file.
